Is this a despite world?

In Russia I lived despite communism. In yeshiva I learned Torah despite the Rabbonim who run it. There were fleeting moments when people around me addressed me directly or fleeting moments when I felt like I am part of a team and we push each other forward. It occurred to me today that I do my work despite my coworkers. We supposed to be a team. Instead we confront each other locked in a battle to outmaneuver each other�s weaknesses. Yes natural rivalry is expected but such an intense dissonance. Why? Is this a despite world? Do we always swim upstream?

Is this just my psychological make up? I am the only child and my social skills are very basic. I don�t have an intuitive understanding on how to pass the ball in a social situation, a skill perhaps acquired in the midst of sibling rivalry.

But I always yearn for effortless moments. At sea on bright day surrounded by a team with a wind in our sails�