The check that was never cashed

This past Shabbos there was the Yehrzeit of Shmaya Krinsky the grandfather of the clan. I was surprised and moved to learn that Shmaya Krinsky was orphaned from his parents when he was 10 and that he was an against all odds character in Boston, raising his 9 children in the atmosphere hostile to things Jewish. His son Pinchas Krinsky spoke at the Kiddush. There was a Dvar Torah and then there was a story about the Rebbe.

The story was about a man from Brussels who send a check to the Rebbe. The man was disappointed that the check was never cashed and then amazingly a year later the check was cached by the Rebbe on the eve of Yom Kippur hereby securing a mercy on the donor who needed the divine intervention in the coming year...

Let me share with you some thoughts that were triggered by the story and the amazing conversation on this blog last week (truly outstanding contributions on that thread). There were some comments about how a personal encounter or a single gesture can color our perception of an entire movement or even a race. How true, we form our world view based on our personal experiences.

But getting back to the original subject. Every religion has a basic dilemma - how to interpret our connection to G-d while he conceals himself. Religious discourses follow the path of explaining how despite the concealment the presence G-d is near. This same model is often adapted in the stories about Rebbes. It became even more urgent now after the Rebbe is not openly in this world. A typical farbrengen story will show how an obscure sign from the Rebbe is in realty and most intense personal intervention by the Tzaddik in our very lives.

The problem arises when one�s personal experiences contradict the mythology (and I use this word in its highest sense). When I came to Lubavitch there was an opportunity to go to a private Yehidus with the Rebbe. I declined because I felt I was not ready. This was the last year the Rebbe accepted people on a private Yehidusim. In the following years I felt detached from the Rebbe. The kotzker aspects of Lubavitch seemed to me a symptomatic of the lack of connection with the Tzaddik. I craved a more personal interaction. Since those days I have become allergic to stories about Rebbe�s personal interventions while my own experience was that of detachment and apparent or perceived indifference.

This is the reason why I have never been to the Ohel. I am not opposed to going to the graves of Tzaddikim in general and have I done so many times. I was in Uman in 1979 before it became a fashion. But I can�t bring myself to go to the Rebbes Ohel because I can�t overcome my perception of indifference and misunderstanding in the palace of 770 and the villages of the kingdom.