A snapshot of our Chabad Shule

7% - Older Russians Jews who come to the Shule to nurse their nostalgia. Most enjoy shaking hands forcefully after they get aliyas and start singing "lomer ale ineinem" after few shots of vodka during Kiddush. Every three months one of them will get up and scream out of the blue: "This is not why I liberated you from the Nazis!!!"
3% - People who are involved in running of the Shule and might have a financial interest in the undertaking (This is the only group who considers their experience in the shule to be positive). Members of this group love to go up to the bimah and make announcements, they also like to say "so and so asked me to say a few words", a widely accepted signal for the congregants to run for the exits of face a debilitating attack of boredom and/or Shule rage.
10% - People who daven in our Shule in thoughts only.
5% - People who think that Chabad is a dead movement and they do not care if someone screams Yehi or Praise the Lord, they say obscenities under their breath but they still come because of the short walking distance.
8% - Mashichists disconnected from everything around them including our Shule.
49% - Good citizens who have nowhere else to go and would gladly changed places of worship at the first opportunity. Most important reason that prevents them from leaving is that they have a hard time coming up with a plausible story they can tell their kids about why they came to this shule in the first place anyway�
18% - People who developed an addiction to potatoes bathed in mayonnaise served after davening.